Maybe you lost a loved one recently and the thought of the holidays without them makes you cringe.
Or maybe you have one of those families where certain people get too loud, too callous, or end up in a wrestling match on the floor.
Either way, the holidays can prove to be anything but merry and bright for the thousands of people who are adjusting to a first, second, or third year without their loved one, or anyone who is dealing with some other form of misery.
Luckily, life always gives us opportunities to learn, grow and adapt. And the holidays often offer us one of the biggest learning opportunities of the year.
Here are some tips for surviving even the most painful holiday gatherings this holiday season:
1. Just breathe. Although it’s a basic thing we all do thousands of times a day, breathing – especially the conscious type – offers many rewards. It’s also a terrifically-simple, free way to calm down if you’re feeling triggered, flustered, or angry in the midst of a holiday gathering. Conscious breathing – the act of intentional breathing – can be done just about anywhere and doesn’t need to be fancy. To begin, breathe in through your nose for a count of four. Then hold for a count of four. And finally, exhale for a count of four. Repeat a few times until you feel yourself shifted into a calmer state. If you find you need a little more help in this arena, check out my Calming Lavender Light meditation here.
2. Sing your song. Music has powerful physiological and emotional effects, including the ability to shift moods and calm the body and mind. If you’ve ever wondered why so many professional athletes listen to music before a big game, this is why. So the next time you find yourself upset, nervous, or sad, try putting on an upbeat tune to lighten your mood.
3. Move your body. The internet has been abuzz the last few years about all the benefits of exercise – and rightly so. Exercise not only helps your physical body – it’s also proven to release chemicals that calm and uplift people’s moods. Even just getting up and walking across a room can be just the thing you need to break a funk or give bad feelings a break. Chances are good, too, that when you’re up and about, something will catch your eye and distract you from whatever is bothering you at that time.
4. Find an ally. Although holidays without your loved one can feel like an incredibly lonely time, the reality is that you’d be hard-pressed to find a group of people without at least one or two who know exactly what you’re going through. If you stop and think about your own circle or family and close friends, consider who has lost a loved one over the years; is it an aunt? A cousin, maybe? Although it may seem intrusive, asking someone else how they dealt with their own loss can be incredibly healing for both parties. It can lead to emotional bonding as well as creating the type of connection that is necessary for grieving individuals to avoid fear, isolation, and illness accompanying grief.
5. Choose Joy. There really is nothing like doing something you enjoy to perk up your mood. So, the next time you find yourself sad, overwhelmed or heated up at a holiday gathering, stop what you’re doing and change over to something you enjoy, instead. I highly recommend creating a list of three things you enjoy that you can do if you get into this situation before you go to your get-together. Then, if the situation does strike, all you need to do is look at your list and act. Examples of things you could put on your list include anything from talking to a trusted friend or loved one to listening to a quick and fun meditation like this in the restroom. If you’re at a party with kids and you really enjoy kids, your joy could be playing a game with them.
There are literally dozens of ways to shift your mood during the holidays or any time of the year. Here, I compiled a list of five.
Which will you try this holiday?
Happy Holidays!
Xo
Jaime