How To Overcome Resolution Failure

 

Jane was disappointed.

 

On January 1, she excitedly declared her intention to start meditating.

“I’ve heard so much about it,” she said. “I’ve thought about it, too; I just haven’t done it yet. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I’m tired of feeling overwhelmed and stressed. Mark my words: today, I start meditating and I resolve to meditate every day for 2019!”

 

And much to her delight, Jane meditated that day. She felt calmer, more in control and happier.

 

She almost forgot to do it the next day, but she remembered right before bed.

 

She hurriedly raced to her favorite chair, sunk down and closed her eyes.

 

“Ahhhhhh,” she said aloud after finishing.

 

“That felt great. I don’t know why it took me so long to start doing this.”

 

On day 3, Jane awoke to the sounds of her dog whimpering. He looked sick. She booked an appointment at the vet that morning and didn’t have time to meditate. She planned to steal away at lunchtime to meditate, but her supervisor piled so much extra work on her plate she decided to work through lunch instead. Before she knew it, it was 6 o’clock and time to go home. When she arrived at her house at 7 pm, she ate a quick dinner, prepared her lunch for the next day, put her pajamas on and crawled into bed. She felt exhausted. Before she knew it, Jane was fast asleep.

 

The next morning while in the shower, Jane was struck with a thought: I forgot to meditate yesterday!

 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she said, exasperated.

 

“I can’t do anything right. I can’t even meditate for 3 days straight,”

 

She started to cry.

 

“I’ll never change. I don’t even know why I try. I give up on this meditating thing.”

 

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If you’ve ever set a New Year’s resolution and failed, my guess is you can understand some of Jane’s pain and frustration.

 

If the statistics are correct, and 95% of New Year’s resolutions fail within the first 3 weeks, is there really any use in setting goals or trying to change behaviors?

 

YES!

 

It is possible to achieve your goals and replace bad habits with good ones.

 

I’ve done it with several things. And I see it happen with my students, readers and other people all the time.

 

So how do you do it?

 

One of the key components is this: do not give up at the first failure.

 

In Jane’s case, that meant not abandoning your aim to meditate every day just because she missed one day early on.

 

Equally as important here is treating yourself with loving compassion if you veer off track. Rather than berating herself and saying things like, “I can’t do anything right,” or “I give up,”, Jane could try:

 

• Facing her feelings head-on. Writing is helpful here. (“I feel like a failure for not following through on this.” or “This reminds me of something in my childhood. It hurts to think about it. I really don’t like this feeling.”)

 

• Praise herself for what she did do. “I didn’t make it to day 3, but I did do days one and two. That’s 66%! Plus, I didn’t anticipate Fido getting sick or all the extra assignments at work.”

 

• Look at what tripped her up. Making mistakes is part of learning anything new. Jane did not intentionally skip meditating; several unforeseen obstacles came up for her on day 3. Instead of allowing them to derail her plan to meditate, Jane is better off reflecting on the situation and learning from it.

 

• Start again. If everyone allowed their first or second failures to stop them from trying again, we wouldn’t have electricity, automobiles or most other modern machines. In fact, most of the best inventions ever created were done so after hundreds or thousands of failures were made.

 

• Create an action plan. Just as important as starting again is choosing a strategy. For Jane, that might mean picking a specific time of day she meditates, no matter what else comes up. If you feel guilty taking time for yourself and find you put it off, write down a promise to yourself every morning and carry it with you throughout the day. In Jane’s case, she could say this:

 

No matter what comes up today, I promise myself I will meditate for 15 minutes.

 

• Change your beliefs about yourself. That starts with your thoughts. Stop thinking of and talking about yourself like you fail at everything. Instead, open your mind and start thinking of yourself as a success. This may feel strange at first. That’s okay. Say the affirmation above and act “as if”. After a week or so, your belief will start to change.

 

How are you doing on your resolutions? Do you see any spots in your life where you could use one of the tips above? Leave me a comment below. I love hearing from you!

 

Jaime

 

And, if like Jane, you’d like to start meditating, check out my meditation albums here.