Did you trick or treat on Halloween?
My husband Gideon and I took our daughters and had an awesome time!
Whether you were involved in Halloween trick or treating or not, there’s a chance you were tricking yourself – and didn’t even know it.
I certainly didn’t. But I was doing it in 3 major ways.
These 3 things were hurting me and keeping me stuck and in pain, and I didn’t even know it. I also didn’t know I could change these things whenever I wanted, or that they weren’t exclusive to me. In fact, I believe most people trick themselves in these 3 ways every day.
The beautiful thing is, once I discovered these tricksters, they lost their power and I started to change. The whole process took a while, but it’s been incredibly freeing and my life has shifted in monumentally positive ways.
Could you be tricking yourself in one of these ways? Over the next 3 weeks, I’ll be revealing these tricksters to you so you can find out. Today, I delve into the first.
Trickster #1: Guilt. One of the most powerful things I have ever heard comes from author and self-help guru-Louise Hay, who says guilt is a waste of time.
“Guilt is a totally useless emotion. It never makes anyone feel better, nor does it change a situation.”
Hay goes on to say that – not only is guilt useless, it leads to punishment – and the punishment always leads to pain.
The first time I heard this, I was stunned.
You mean guilt isn’t healthy? It isn’t ‘good for me’? No, that can’t be right … could it?
Although I resisted the idea at first, the more I sat with Hay’s words, the more I started to agree.
No wonder guilt never felt good.
No wonder it felt heavy and disempowering.
Guilt keeps people focused on the past; ruminating over what could have been. The problem there is, when someone feels guilty, they attract more guilt, and they miss out on the joy and peace of now.
While some people argue that guilt is good because it helps humans see their mistakes and make better choices, I’m still deciding on that. Now that I’ve drastically slashed the guilt in my life, I know how beneficial it is to keep it at bay.
Now I’d like to ask you: could guilt be hurting you?
Would you like to learn to let go of it?
First, you need to become aware. I did this by carrying around a notebook with me for a week and documenting it. The results were incredibly shocking! It was clear within 48 hours just how much I was tricking and hurting myself with unfounded guilt. After doing the exercise for 7 days, I realized I spent much of my life doing things that pleased others instead of myself. I also discovered that I had a hard time giving to myself, whether it was free time, clothes, treats or praise. I couldn’t because I felt guilty. Many times, there was a voice in my head saying I didn’t need it or someone else deserved it more.
If you’d like to lift your energy and your spirits, slash your stress and boost your happiness and self esteem, I encourage you to become aware of the amount of guilt you have and how often it comes up for you. If you aren’t 100% sure on what constitutes guilt, see if you can relate to any of these scenarios:
1. You speak to your mother on the phone. She’s been ill recently and always seems to need help. She doesn’t have many friends; most people stay away from her because she is mostly critical and cold. One day on your way home from work, she calls and asks you to stop by. You’re exhausted from working another long day. When you attempt to say no, she replies with:
“Oh, you must come over dear! I haven’t seen you in (insert time). And I’m so lonely and in so much pain. I don’t have anyone else to call,”
2. Your co-worker embarrasses you at a meeting among 8 of your co-workers and your boss. When you pull her aside a few days later to share your feelings and set a kind but firm boundary with her, she says:
“Gosh, I am such an idiot. I always stick my foot in my mouth. What is wrong with me? I don’t even deserve to be in the same room as you. I’m going to go tell the boss right now that I shouldn’t be allowed at any more meetings. I can’t believe you’re even talking to me.”
3. You gain an unexpected hour to yourself when your client cancels an appointment. Secretly, you’re relieved; you’re exhausted and haven’t had much time for yourself lately. You consider taking a much-needed bath or going to treat yourself to a pedicure when your spouse walks in. He looks panicked and explains he desperately needs help on a project he was supposed to start last week. You can feel his anxiety. You hear the bathtub calling you, but how can you possibly say no?
Along with those situations, here are a few other ways you can recognize guilt:
Do you “feel bad/guilty” saying no?
Do you do things – attend parties or events or go places – you’d rather not because you’re afraid of what the other person may think?
If someone gives you something, do you feel a nagging feeling to reciprocate?
If you can relate to any of these, you’re familiar with guilt. While you may have been raised to believe it was necessary or good for you, the truth is: it isn’t.
Consider this your permission to start letting go of unnecessary guilt; it’ll lead you to a happier, freer life that’s worthy of your magnificence.
Where in your life can you let go of guilt?
I’ll catch you next week with Trickster #2. Have a great week!