February 14, 2016
Do you like Valentine’s Day?
Do you love Valentine’s Day?
Up until about five years ago, I abhorred Valentine’s Day. Although I had a few good Valentines Days early in life (thanks, Mom!), most of them went like this:
I wasn’t in a relationship and felt unlovable because of that.
Or, I was in a relationship, but the person I was with was so unavailable it was literally killing me. felt like I was single anyway.
Either way, what was supposed to be the ultimate day of love served as a horrible, in-your-face reminder of how incredibly lonely, unacknowledged and unloved I often felt.
Can you relate? (Click here now and tell me).
I don’t know about you, but feeling unloved, neglected and worthless isn’t fun.
Thankfully, I rarely feel this way anymore. If I do, red lights, sirens and the words, “Get Out Now”, start flashing in my head.
So what then is Valentine’s Day like for me now?
Exactly like it should be.
Consider today, for instance: I woke up and came downstairs and there were not one, but THREE bouquets of gorgeous red roses waiting for me, along with an enormous red gift box and a beautiful card. I was so shocked I actually gasped out loud (my husband told me later it was his favorite part of the day.) After I gasped, I smiled for about 5 minutes straight 🙂 I was then treated to a vegetarian omelet (my favorite) for breakfast and king crab, grilled asparagus and several other treats throughout the day. The thing is, though, this is not unusual for my life. My husband treated me to 3 dozen roses about a month ago, and makes us crab or lobster at least once a week. He also makes me omelets several times a week.
Am I spoiled?
Perhaps, but not for the reasons you may think.
Sure, I am extremely blessed with an amazing guy and I would never take that away from him. But please understand: we’ve been together for 13 years and he has not done this throughout the entire marriage. I have not always been overflowing with love on Valentine’s Day, either, or on so many other days out of the year.
What changed then? you may ask.
Yes, me. And yes, I am actually taking the credit for the abundance I now have in my life.
Who does she think she is? you may think.
Stick with me for a minute and let me explain.
Remember when I spoke about all those February 14 holidays when I felt lonely, unloved and unacknowledged? Although I didn’t realize it until a few years ago, the Universe is and was always mirroring back to me the way I was treating myself. For example, all those years when I ran around town tracking down the perfect gift for other people but left myself out of the mix, I felt unacknowledged and sad. The crazy thing was, I had no idea why I felt so bad.
I was a good person, wasn’t I?
Why couldn’t certain people reciprocate my love?
Why did I feel so unlovable?
And then one day, like a bolt of lightning from the sky, it hit me:
My experiences were largely reflecting back to me the way I treated myself.
All of those times I cleaned someone else’s things up but neglected my own? That was the reason I felt alone.
When I worked for hours on a project for someone else and it was hardly acknowledged? It often occurred because I wasn’t giving enough to myself.
When I experienced someone saying something mean or judgmental to me? I could usually trace it back to the critical voice in my head.
Now don’t get me wrong; this is not to say that every single thought you have or every action you take is matched immediately. But – based on my experiences – the Universe reciprocates the majority of your actions.
Take the flower example above. About a year ago, I started buying flowers for myself every week or any time I needed a boost or felt down. I did this without telling anyone, including my husband, so you can imagine my surprise when … he “randomly” began showing up at home with flowers for me “just because” – on the very same day! This has literally happened dozens of times.
Another example of this type of radical self love in action:
There was a time where I felt largely unnoticed in my friendships and like I didn’t have many true friends. I desperately wanted more and did the normal things like reaching out to people, smiling and making small talk, but I usually attracted people who were kind of self-centered … and I couldn’t figure out why. After experiencing this over and over, I finally put my foot down and decided to try something new:
I chose to be my own best friend.
I treated myself like ABSOLUTE GOLD – I bought myself cards and flowers, took myself out to dinner, to the spa, bought myself new clothes, started doing mirrorwork every day, and, anytime I felt down, I took even better care of myself. I wrote myself letters and notes with things I imagined the best ‘best friend’ out there would write or say.
Do you know what happened?
Amazing, supportive, loving people started coming out of the woodwork! For the first time in my life, giving people were attracted to me and my relationships were healthier, balanced and fulfilling.
Here is an example of one of the ways I love myself: I send myself text messages every day.
Just like I explained with the vision board example a few weeks ago, this is not something exclusive to me; you can do it, too! Interested? Great! It starts by committing to step up the way you treat yourself. Here are a variety of ways to do just that. Then, pick one of them to do THIS WEEK.
Here are some common ways to love yourself:
Get your nails done
Get a soothing pedicure
Exercise or join a gym
Go to a chiropractor
Express yourself creativity (this only counts if it’s not for someone else)
Buying yourself some new clothes
Splurge on a new pair of socks, sunglasses or purse
Take a salt bath
Beautify your living space
Clear your clutter
Use your fine china on a regular day
Order takeout from a fancy restaurant
Create space for yourself in your home that is just yours
Take a vacation!
Buy yourself flowers
Buy yourself a card
Mail the card to yourself! (I do this all the time and it’s awesome!)
Take yourself to dinner
Treat yourself like you would your very best friend
Stop doing things you dislike
Speak up if you feel strongly about something that affects you
Practice voicing your opinions
Leave a toxic relationship
Make a dream or vision board
Do mirrorwork (say “I love you” five times in the mirror today)
Got your choice?
Tell me which one you like best!
And make sure to check out my next article where I give you 8 of my most unique and powerful self love activities!
Have an incredibly awesome and happy Valentine’s Day and a wonderful week ahead!
And, if you’re looking for even more guidance on self love, email me about my 14 Day Radical Self Love Challenge. It’s an inexpensive, easy, AWESOME self-paced video series that will help you open the floodgates of love in your life! Plus, it’s received rave reviews!