Have you ever stayed in a toxic situation too long?
Do you relate to any of this? Have you ever stayed in a toxic situation too long?
Whether it’s a work situation, a toxic friendship, or something similar, most people have experienced a toxic environment in their lives – and wished they’d known sooner.
In an effort to get out sooner next time and save yourself from some of the pain and suffering toxic situations can bring, I’ve created a list of signs for you to look for in your relationships. This is not the “end all be all” list of all lists, but it is a good start. Check it out and see where your relationships fall!
Sign #1. Things feel “off” – a lot.
If you feel like something is wrong or you find yourself polling your friends time and again for their opinions about a certain person or situation, chances are, you’re right.
Sign #2. You feel drained or exhausted after you spend time there.
One of the first signs of toxicity is feeling like your energy is being drained or zapped. Have you ever eaten something that was expired or bad and had a bad reaction to it? The same thing can happen to your mind and body when they’re exposed to toxic people or situations.
Sign #3. You stay in the situation out of fear.
One of the best ways to tell if something is toxic for you is to check your motives. Are you staying because you want to – or because you’re afraid to leave? Maybe you don’t want to be alone or maybe you stay because your partner makes good money and takes care of you financially.
Sign #4. You’re not valued.
A key sign of a toxic situation is feeling undervalued – or not valued at all. You’ll know if you’re undervalued because:
-The person or group you’re engaged with seldom shows genuine interest in you
-Your opinions or desires are rarely asked for or considered
-You rarely receive validation
-You experience verbal, emotional, physical or sexual abuse
-It feels like a one-sided relationship or situation
-Your feelings and/or experiences are denied or minimized – particularly if they make the other party appear in a negative light
-You have a feeling or know there has been cheating
-There is a lack of commitment
Healthy environments and relationships, on the other hand, are characterized by feeling valued – heard, seen, and acknowledged – most of the time.
Sign #5. You dread going there or being with this person.
If you’re working somewhere you dread or you’re in a relationship with someone you’re afraid of being around, it is time to do something – and fast.
Sign #6. You don’t feel good around the person or situation.
If every time you’re around a certain person or environment, you start feeling queasy, afraid, or uncertain, something isn’t right. If you seem to go on a merry-go-round of emotions, such as feeling wonderful and elated, and then feeling terrible and oppressed, heed these cues. Sure, no relationship or situation is perfect, but intense ups and downs that return over and over usually mean something needs to change.
Sign #7. You feel like you’re going crazy.
Toxic environments are notoriously confusing – and cause you to second-guess yourself. Things often start out great, and then … bam! – the red flags start popping up. Depending on the severity of the situation, the toxicity may be minimal or it may be unbearable. In my study and experience with the topic, I’ve found one thing to be true: the more toxic, the more erratic the environment. The person may be as nice as can be one day, and the next, they’re scolding or belittling me, or we may be pals one day and enemies the next.
Sign #8. You feel used.
Have you ever felt used? It’s not the best feeling. Yet, it can happen to anyone – and it’s a signal you could be in a toxic relationship. Whether it happens with a lover, your boss, or even your best friend, people who use you are likely to stir up feelings of resentment in you, they rarely focus on your needs and chances are, they are guilty of using you in the past.
Sign #9. You experience a hostile atmosphere.
Even if there are no other signs in your relationship or situation that you can be 100% sure of, an atmosphere of hostility – bitterness, vengeance, or “brooding” behavior- is a sign of toxicity. If you find yourself feeling something in your environment that causes you to feel like you need to “walk on eggshells”, listen to your instincts. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve experienced this personally and how detrimental it can be to my energy to hang around. Even if you ask the person what is going on and they say “nothing”, trust your gut. In my case, I haven’t known a time when I didn’t find out later I was spot-on.
If you’ve ever wondered whether your environment or relationship is toxic, the 9 traits above can help you decide.
Although it isn’t always easy to throw back the metaphorical covers on these types of things, being armed with data like this gives you clarity and it’s empowering.
Not feeling valued, experiencing “one-sided effort” and feeling drained or exhausted around certain people are all signs you are likely tangled up in toxicity.
The good news is, though, almost all relationships and environments have elements of toxicity. Knowing the ins and outs of yours and how it stacks up can help you choose the best action to take next.
If you’re interested in discovering the choices you have about toxic relationships and environments and whether to stay or go, make sure to sign up for my newsletter here to be notified when that post goes live (hint: it’ll be soon!).